


Improbable Adventure

by Random_Original_Ficcery (Random_Nexus)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adventure, Facebook, Fantasy, Gen, Humor, Other, Prompt Fic, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 03:53:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6222640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Nexus/pseuds/Random_Original_Ficcery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three adventurers - each not really falling in line with the classic tropes for their roles in life - meet a dragon, who doesn't seem to be conforming to the usual expectations, either.</p><p>Written for: A FB post prompt (details shown below)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Improbable Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> A friend of mine posted this [on her FB](https://www.facebook.com/susanne.hulsmann.31/posts/10153440869350669), and when I showed enthusiasm, she gave me these prompts from the post:  
> *The elvish archer is the clumsiest, most inaccurate shit ever.  
> *The bard writes deep emo poetry, constantly quoting sonnets by the most talented musicians of the era- ‘fall out bard’ and ‘panic at the inn’.  
> *The Dragon that’s hunting them down for the whole story is actually just trying to give back the shoe that one of them lost while running away, and is actually very conversational ‘bro, you’ve got this all wrong- look, you dropped this bro, haha I’m always forgetting stuff, too, don’t worry’…  
> I gave those to the Muse and, after taking a few liberties with the characters, we made a thing.

  
**The Prompt Post**  
  


* * *

A fairly pleasant male voice carried through the forest clearing, singing plaintively to the accompaniment of a lute. "Love doth hurt, love doth scar, love doth wound; marry, it mars. Ere there be any heart not hale enough, nor mighty enough, to bear plenitudes of pain—"

"Enough!" Interrupted another male voice, not as deep, and quite the opposite of plaintive. "By all the forgotten gods, you'll have us all heaving ourselves off the next cliff in despair, Shad!" His tone grew slightly muffled as he leaned over to stuff a lone green boot into his pack.

The bard huffed out a put-upon sigh and tossed his head, dark ringlets bouncing away from the side of his moderately handsome face. Blooms of ruddy color livening his sallow-tinged brown cheeks. "You've no soul, Elgoladrillon," Shad told the loudly snarky elf, pronouncing his name properly, which was rare for a human.

"You'll find I've all the requisite parts, Shad," the elf replied long-sufferingly as he rolled his pale green eyes, not giving the human bard the satisfaction of calling him _Shadow_ instead of 'Shad', as he thought it a ridiculously pretentious name—as well as more than likely fake. "Including far better taste in music _and_ poetry, both of which you're woefully lacking, given you're a _bard_!" He finished knotting the laces on his recently donned boots as he drew out the last word sarcastically.

"Well, I don't mind the lute playing," came a husky female voice from behind the two arguing beings.

Both the human and the elf turned to look at the tall figure standing at the edge of the clearing, wearing a fur-lined cloak thrown back to reveal ring-studded leather armor, chest piece, leggings, armguards, and solid knee-high boots. An embossed leather headband held back a mass of snow-white braids, the band's design differing from the rest of the armor in that the leather was obviously older and more worn. The hilts of a dagger and a sword lay against either hip, providing natural resting places for hands in fingerless leather gloves.

Shrugging at the brows-up expressions from the other two, she spread her arms, dappled morning sunlight bringing out the golden hue in her warm brown skin. “I don't know why you both look so surprised. You know by now that I'm more than some mythical barbarian out of the north.”

"Of course we know that, Bree," huffed Shadow, sounding half offended and half exasperated. His fingers drifted to the strings of the lute again, as if he would start playing any moment. Though his face was partially hidden by the fall of his hair when he looked down at his lute, a wash of pink colored his cheeks as he stole a long look at the inordinately tall, impressively-built leader of their little company.

"Breelora, you should know by now that Elves consider _everyone_ else barbarians," Elgoladrillon drawled with humor plainly visible in his expression. He tilted his head with one auburn brow raised, his perfectly straight red-gold hair falling in a silky sheaf over one shoulder.

"I do, Elgo," Breelora agreed with answering humor. "But, even so, I still think better of you than I do of others of your kind." She gave a deep nod with a very shallow bow.

Elgoladrillon mirrored the gesture with a friendly smirk. "Honored, I'm sure."

Bree opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it without a word to turn her head into the prevailing wind with a slight frown. A moment later her hazel-gold eyes narrowed and then widened. Her voice was low and overly calm when she finally spoke. "Elgo?"

"Yes?" Elgo had already turned to face the same direction as Bree, studying the trees and the sky with quick flicks of his leaf-green gaze.

"You remember that dragon that chased us through half the roots of the Imbria Mountains?" she asked, slowly taking one step, then another. "The one you dropped half the cave entrance on with that magic arrow?"

"I... yes?" The elf's usually fair skin took on a wash of pink as his shoulders hunched a bit.

Shadow watched the two of them warily, but wasn't so far gone to concern that he couldn't snark drawlingly, "The magic arrow meant for the _dragon_ you mean?"

"It worked, didn't it?" snapped Elgoladrillon.

"Only thanks to luck," Shad replied on a mocking chuckle. "Apparently _our_ luck that you didn't blow up one of us instead of the cave. I thought elves were supposed to be... _gifted_ when it came to such things."

"Listen, _human_..." Elgo intoned, rising to his feet, eyes perhaps a little brighter green, while the pointed tips of the elf's ears had gone a darker pink than his cheeks.

"Will you two stop acting like younglings?" Bree hissed into the pause before Elgoladrillon worked himself up to a proper threat or insult. Both males turned to look at her in annoyed surprise as she went on, "Grab your gear and get to the horses." She pointed at the sky beyond the treetops. "There's a dragon approaching and it looks a lot like the one we dropped most of that cave on, intentionally or not!"

The elf, whatever his archery skills, was certainly nimble and quick on his feet; he had his pack closed, put the fire out, and was fastening his pack to his somewhat startled horse before Shadow had even got his things crammed back into his own pack—let alone got to the horses. Bree had already repacked her gear in preparation for moving on before she'd left camp to scout around a bit, so all she had to do was dash to her horse and leap into the saddle.

Though Bree and Elgo had heard it before then, Shad heard the distant sweeping _whumpf...whumpf...whumpf_ of dragon wings as they were riding downhill toward the denser part of the forest. Big dragon wings. None of them doubted it was the dragon they thought they'd killed, because they all knew well enough how the world worked. No one could fully escape the perverse sense of humor of the Powers That Be.

"We'll never get to proper cover before it's upon us!" Bree gasped as they rode as fast as the horses could go through the scattered trees, barely making it over or around random obstacles as they cropped up. The trees were still thinner than would be needed to hide them, and the whooshing sounds of flapping dragon wings were steadily growing closer.

"Maybe I can slow it down," Elgo said, holding the reins in one hand while reaching back with the other to free his bow and pull several arrows from the leather holder atop his saddlebags.

"Oh, dark lord of fools, here we go again," groaned Shad in a tone that implied eye-rolling in no uncertain terms. "Can you at least try not to hit any of us?"

"By all means, feel free to lull it into complaisance with your dulcet tones and clever lyrics, _bard_!" the elf snarled, tucking the reins under one thigh before twisting in his saddle and scanning the sky behind them for their pursuer.

"By all means, feel free to actually hit what you're aiming at for a change, _archer_!" Shad sneered back, steering his horse around a mossy boulder half-hidden by a fallen tree before adding, "Better yet, aim well past it; perhaps you'll hit the right target by accident, like back at the cave."

Leaning sharply and squeezing with his knees brought Elgo’s horse around abruptly, and the elf spoke through gritted teeth as he nocked an arrow and slowly swept the point higher and higher toward the sky. "Perhaps dragons are partial to love-sick moanings about moonlight tresses and dusky curves!" He turned abruptly, catching a large shape approaching through the treetops. "Or if not, perhaps your horrible renditions of everyone else's songs will make it too ill to eat us once it's caught us... aha, there!" He let fly his arrow on the last word.

Out of the flock of birds that had fluttered up from the trees—which appeared to be one larger shape at a distance—his arrow flitted past at least four or five of the birds, making them squawk angrily and veer off. The arrow then shot through the tail feathers of one of the last birds in the formation, scattering feathers and sending that particular bird into a sudden spiral downward with an even greater amount of screeching. Just about thrice the height of an average elf from the ground, the bird pulled out of its spiral and soared upward again, still crying its avian displeasure loud and clear.

Until it was caught in a thin blue-gold jet of fire and its feathers seemingly burst directly into ashes without any sign of flames in the nearly instantaneous process. The charred creature's previous trajectory stalled and, just before it fell more than a few yards beyond the apogee, it disappeared with a snap into the maw of the dragon which had come into view startlingly swiftly.

"Oh, well done," muttered Shadow, half in derision, half in a strange kind of awe.

Bree wheeled her horse around and put its impressive bulk between her two companions and the rapidly approaching dragon, shouting, "I'll distract it, you two get out of here!"

"Bree, no!" The words exploded out of Shadow with such unprecedented firmness that it even surprised him a little. It garnered him a brief glance from Bree, one pale brow raised askance.

Meanwhile, Elgoladrillon had plucked out another arrow and was murmuring over it in Elvish, the arrow's jagged tip already beginning to glow a deep blue-green. He glared at Breelora briefly, but didn't stop whatever spell he was working to second Shad's denial.

"There's no time to argue about—" Bree began angrily, but broke off at the loud _whoosh-whoosh-thwump_ of the dragon suddenly landing between them and their goal of the denser portion of the forest. Bree's sword was in her hand in an instant, and her horse gave a loud, angry cry as it turned at her command, putting them both directly before the dark-scaled dragon.

Folding its ash-gray wings, the dragon lifted its scaled and spine-crested head on a long, graceful neck. Ruddy-gold eyes widened as it focused upon Bree's quite dangerous-looking sword. Holding up one forepaw, the dragon reached up with one talon-tipped digit to poke around between two of its dagger-like teeth, the eye on that side half-closing as it did so.

Like the brave warrior she was, Bree waited, tensed for action, sword still raised. Elgo and Shad were right behind her, neither having obeyed her command to escape. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

"Oh, great idea, thanks!" came a rumbling, growling voice as the sword was snatched out of Bree's hand in an instant... a voice which seemed to be coming from... the dragon. The dragon that proceeded to use Bree's greatsword as a toothpick.

"Green goddess preserve us," whispered Elgoladrillon.

"We're going to need more than just one goddess, I think," muttered Shadow. Neither had taken their widened eyes off the dragon.

"Ahhh... there we go," the dragon said with a gusty sigh of relief, its breath reminiscent of charred flesh and the aftermath of lightning storms. Bree's sword was then carefully tucked back into her still-upraised hand and the dragon quickly chewed something before covering its muzzle with that same forepaw and belching almost daintily—for a dragon. "Pardon. Those little bones always seem to get caught, don't they?"

"What..." Bree cleared her throat, eyeing her sword in confusion for a moment before returning her attention to the dragon sitting on its haunches before her and her party. Her voice was remarkably even and firm, given the circumstances. "What do you want of us, dragon?"

"What do... oh!" The dragon lifted both forelimbs to grasp at something hanging just below the base of its neck. The something which was revealed a moment later to be a pouch with a drawstring. "Just a moment," the creature said as it was digging around in the pouch, which was big enough to hold a small bear or full-grown wild pig, though it seemed barely the size of a belt pouch compared to the dragon's much larger frame. The dragon continued to speak in that deep, growling voice as it groped around inside the pouch. "I have been following you for two reasons; one, because I can't believe you would have left... ah, here we go... left _this_ behind on purpose."

It triumphantly brandished a boot in its talons. Definitely not dragon-sized, the boot was dark-green dyed leather with braided laces in a darker shade of green, and intricate knot-work designs had been embossed along the sides, all the way down to the toe.

"My boot?" gasped Elgo.

"Ahh, of course it's yours," the dragon rumbled agreeably, holding the boot out. "Such pretty crafting shouldn't be cast aside. I'd hate to lose it, were it mine."

"I didn't—I mean..." Elgo swallowed thickly after halting the first reply that sprang to his lips. "I... eh... thank you for returning it to me."

"Of course," the dragon replied graciously, tossing the boot deftly toward the elf. Elgo fumbled catching the boot, bounced it off his knee, then his horse's neck, and finally slapped both hands to it and held it against his chest with a growling huff of frustration.

Shadow bit his bottom lip bloodless stifling his laughter, turning his face away after a moment with heaving shoulders and face going red.

"It was the least I could do, considering the second reason I was following you: namely, the favor you did me back at the cave. I've been wanting to close off that entrance to my lair for a long time." Leaning closer, the dragon added in a rumbling stage-whisper, "Too many uninvited guests, you know? All those bristly little warriors stomping around and demanding treasure... or _body parts_! Can you imagine?"

The elf, his horse shivering and shifting its hooves at the dragon's proximity, nodded a little erratically and managed to sound very nearly sincere when he murmured, "Of all the nerve."

"I know, right?" Making a sizzling 'tsk tsk tsk' sort of sound between its impressive teeth, the dragon then turned to Bree again and sniffed a couple of times. Then it tapped one jet-black talon against its muzzle and blinked its huge eyes a few times before asking, "I hope you'll pardon me, but you're dressed like one of those northern creatures with the flattering little boats, but you smell like something else. More like..." another deep inhale with an edge of a growling undertone, "...giant... hmm... maybe troll?"

Bree's warm brown skin turned a shade pale, though an infusion of pink colored her cheeks as her eyes widened. "You can smell that?"

"I have a very refined sense of smell," the dragon confirmed proudly, nodding. "I hope you won't mind confirming or denying, just to see if I got it right?"

"My..." Clearing her throat and carefully _not_ looking at either of her two companions, Bree replied quietly, "My father was half giant. He told my mother there was a rumor of troll on his father's side, but he didn't know how true that was."

"Really?" Settling down further upon the elbows of its forelimbs, spine-tipped tail curling around and over its hind feet and twitching like a cat's, the dragon lowered its head until it was almost eye-to-eye with Bree, who was still mounted upon her great horse, which stood stock-still, like a monument, except for its occasional snorting breaths. "Aren't bloodlines fascinating? My mother's nest-mate claimed their line had sea-serpent mixed in somewhere, but I never saw any sign of it; although, my great grandmother's neck frills were said to look suspiciously like gill-slits." Tilting its head, the dragon blinked several times before asking in an almost purring tone, "You wouldn't mind stopping by my mountain again on your way back through from... wherever it is you're going, would you? I'd love to repay you—all of you, of course—for the bang-up job you did on that cavern entrance." A little burst of smoke-laden steam escaped the dragon's nostrils as it snickered, politely turning its head away to avoid blowing the hot air right into Bree's face. "'Bang-up job.' Get it?"

Shadow made a sort of strangled sound behind the hand he had immediately slapped over his mouth. Elgo outright giggled before sucking his lips inward and obviously holding them between his teeth, green eyes impossibly wider than before, ear-tips bright pink.

After a long moment of what seemed to almost be a sort of shock, Bree burst out with a hearty, loud guffaw that sent her stolid horse snorting and pawing the ground. Rearing its head back briefly, the dragon then hiss-snickered its way into a roaring laugh that sent birds bursting out of the tree tops all around them and a rustling stampede of small creatures in the undergrowth, all heading in a variety of directions that boiled down to 'away from the dragon'.

"You know, dragon, I think I just might do that," Bree finally said, sounding a bit surprised at herself as she spoke. "It won't be for another few months, though, I'm afraid."

"Oh," the dragon said in a small little voice, looking back the way it had come, and then turning its gaze briefly upon Elgo and Shad before focusing on Bree once more. "Might I accompany you, then?"

Bree's mouth fell open.

~~~

_Four months later..._

Elgoladrillon, Shadow, and Breelora sat around a blazing great fire in the mouth of a rather big cavern, a large sheep turning on a spit over the flames. To one side of the fire, another spit with the remains of a mostly-eaten sheep was propped across two flattish boulders, below it an equally decimated pot of boiled tubers and wild vegetables sat in a nest of embers from the fire.

"Delicious, Elgo," Bree said on a sigh, burping gently into the back of her hand.

The elf nodded graciously, scraping a few bones off his plate and into the fire before looking past Bree to the dragon curled up behind her like a gigantic scaled cat. "What say you, O Dragon?"

The dragon's deep, rumbling voice was slow and mellow, and it licked its muzzle briefly before replying, "I have never tried eating plants before, Elgoladrillon, but I cannot deny they flattered the mutton well." It turned its head away to hide a not-so-small belch of its own in one forepaw. "I confess I'm not sure I will be able to finish that third sheep."

"We shall pack it away to take with us tomorrow," Shadow offered easily, pausing to lick his fingers. "Simple."

"It's too bad that you missed those deer, Elgoladrillon," sighed the dragon. "I'm fond enough of mutton, but a bit of venison would've been tasty."

Elgo sighed, tilting his head philosophically while Shad chuckled into his drinking horn. The elf threw the human a narrow-eyed glare.

"It's amazing how those sheep were grazing on the other side of that herd of deer," Shad said, humor evident in his tone and his expression.

"Shadow..." intoned Elgo warningly.

"Our bellies are full for now and that farmer was quite understanding once we offered a few gold coins for his trouble," Bree temporized with the lilt of amusement underlying her words and sparkling in her green-gold eyes. "For which we thank you, friend Dragon."

The dragon bowed its head gracefully, saying, "These months spent travelling with you three has been well worth a tiny bit of my hoard. Now, instead of more... witty banter... how about some music, Bard?"

Elgo quietly rolled his eyes and buried his face in his palm, slowly shaking his head. Bree extended one long leg and subtly poked him in the shin with the toe of her boot. The elf looked over at Bree with raised brows and, when she tilted her head at the dragon and touched her lips with her forefinger, he sighed silently and nodded long-sufferingly. Bree's lips quirked toward a rather smirky sort of smile as she returned her attention to Shad.

Shadow's truculence had evaporated into a growing grin, and he turned it upon the dragon. "Excellent idea!" Hurriedly pouring some of the water they'd gathered from a nearby stream over a clean cloth, he washed his hands before taking his lute from its case. "I know just the song. It came from a minstrel group popular in the west, called 'Fall Out Bard', and it's a deeply meaningful ballad about—"

~~~

I think it's best for everyone if we leave the story here.

The end.


End file.
